How to help my child with body image problems

How to help my child with body image problems

Are you a parent looking for practical guidance on promoting body acceptance?

You are in the right place. We are an online not-for-profit service that works with adolescents with body image problems, eating disorders and BDD. www.bodyimagecoach.co.uk

If you would like support for your child, please get in touch: hello@bodyimagecoach.co.uk or listen to our YOUTUBE channel created for parents with concerns around their child's perception of their body image.

Ok let's dive in:

First:

Remember that your child's body image difficulty is their BIG secret so tread lightly and give them time to open up about it.

You can't change a child's belief in an instant, so focus first on the symptoms and feelings that your child is having, to get them talking and opening up. If you start with their symptoms and feelings, they are more likely to talk about the root cause - their perceived body image flaw. Here are some coaching questions you could ask:

How are you feeling?

What are the symptoms you are having? 

Do you feel safe?

What is the hardest part of this for you? 

What do you think is happening here?

How are you coping with this?

How is all of this making you feel?

What’s coming up for you when we talk about this?

What’s your thinking around what we’ve discussed today? 

Would you like further support?

Is there anything blocking you from wanting further support?

What would be a good way forward for you? 

What do you feel is the best outcome from today?

TED = TELL, EXPLAIN, DESCRIBE:

Tell me how I can help you today

Explain what you are going through

Describe how it makes you feel. 

FOCUS ON SYMPTOMS AND SAFETY 1st, BODY IMAGE DISCUSSIONS 2nd.

If a child feels comfortable talking about their body image problem, you could ask:

In what ways do you think about your body/face?

How do you see your physical self? 

Where did your belief come from around your body and/or face?

Do’s

Start with ‘how are you feeling’, a simple opening.

Ask open Q’s IE: what’s on your mind and start your q’s with: What, When, Where, Why, How, to help them express their thoughts.

Observe body language, IE: I can see you are taking a deep breath when you say that, can you tell me more about this?

Ask how long this has been a problem, ask if anyone else knows

Ask if they would prefer to talk about their problem with a body image coach with lived experience

Ask them if they feel suicidal, don’t be afraid to ask

Let them know that many people go through body image difficulties too and there is a way through this

Focus on their symptoms, not the problem, IE: they have a panic attack, how can you support them with their panic (symptom) until they feel more comfortable talking about this.

Give them a sense of control over what information they give you, IE: what would you like to tell me about your body image concerns?

Give them a sense of control over what support they need, IE: what can we do for you, to support you? What do you need?

Validate what they tell you, it makes a big difference, IE: I hear you and that must be very exhausting for you to be going through this.

Encourage professional help

Don’ts

Don’t probe too much around body image as this is probably the last thing they want to talk about

Don’t assume they’re ok about their body image if they choose not to express their thoughts

Don’t pressure them too much if they don’t want to elaborate

Don’t point out to them, any signs telling you they are struggling, IE: we can see  you are too thin, too obese etc, instead say we can see that you may be struggling, how can we help?

Don’t brush off what they tell you, by side tracking, IE: I hear that you can’t do PE but we

need you to attend PE as part of your PSHE

Don’t tell them they look fine, pretty, handsome etc as this magnifies the problem

Don’t force them to change their behaviors and coping strategies, IE: by sitting with them at mealtimes so they eat or forcing them to stay in the playground if their  coping strategy is to

be in a classroom. Find solutions that make them feel safe. Safety is key!

Don’t show any frustration, judgement or personal views, your only job is to support them to feel safe now and in the future

Don’t treat them any differently to others, they are simply looking for a direction, not special treatment

Don’t label or diagnose or put words into their moth, IE: it sounds like you have an eating disorder etc

Don’t take it personally if they don’t want to talk as this is their biggest and darkest secret and you have just found out

Don’t judge them if they become defensive, they are feeling unsafe and vulnerable. Just listen and offer your support.